Feed aggregator
Israel’s top general resigns over ‘terrible’ October 7 attack failures
Herzi Halevi is the most senior Israeli figure to resign over the October 7, 2023 Hamas-led attack.
Categories: South Asia
Trump policies raise concern over Palestine’s future
Trump’s presidency raises concern for Palestinians over the rebuilding of Gaza and revoked sanctions on Israeli settlers
Categories: South Asia
Trump pardons 1500 Jan 6 defendants, commutes other sentences
US President Donald Trump has pardoned more than 1500 defendants who participated in the attack on the US Capitol.
Categories: South Asia
Rubio officially sworn into office as US Secretary of State
Former Senator Marco Rubio has officially begun his tenure as US Secretary of State.
Categories: South Asia
Israeli army launches attack on Jenin refugee camp in West Bank
Israel has launched an attack on Jenin refugee camp in the occupied West Bank, killing at least seven Palestinians.
Categories: South Asia
‘We will drill, baby, drill’: Why Trump wants US out of Paris climate deal
For a second time, Donald Trump promises to pull the US from a global agreement that most countries are party to.
Categories: South Asia
How Israel shaped the narrative and its impact on Dutch politics
Israel's portrayal of Amsterdam Maccabi violence as anti-Semitic sparked a debate on anti-Islam and immigration issues.
Categories: South Asia
Ukraine’s Zelenskyy questions Trump’s commitment to Europe & NATO
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy questioned the commitment of US President Donald Trump to Europe’s security.
Categories: South Asia
Djokovic beats Alcaraz at Australian Open; will play Zverev in semifinal
Ten-time Melbourne champion fights back to win 4-6, 6-4, 6-3, 6-4 and set up a semifinal against Alexander Zverev.
Categories: South Asia
Mbappe says mental shift helped change his Real Madrid ‘situation’
French superstar has silenced his doubters in recent weeks after struggling to settle in with the Spanish giants.
Categories: South Asia
I dream of a quiet, drone-free Gaza
A ceasefire has been declared, but the torment from the skies has not stopped.
Categories: South Asia
Elon Musk at Trump’s inauguration: What’s the history of the Nazi salute?
SpaceX and Tesla CEO Elon Musk comes under fire for making gesture at President Trump rally similar to Nazi salute.
Categories: South Asia
The call to remember
earthrise explores how the Indigenous call to remember our place within nature is resonating in the UK.
Categories: South Asia
Sabalenka won’t let Badosa friendship dent Grand Slam ‘three-peat’ dream
The best friends will meet in the Australian Open semifinals as Sabalenka looks for a third straight title in Melbourne.
Categories: South Asia
Russia, Ukraine continue strikes despite Trump promise to bring swift peace
Trump says Zelenskyy 'wants peace deal' and Putin must accept; Moscow says 'no specific proposals' from Washington.
Categories: South Asia
Johnson & Hancock awarded Nobel prize for work on ‘not following the science’
The thorny question of whether or not the UK government was really following the science has been solved by this year’s Nobel Laureates.
Johnson and Hancock’s valuable research over the last 18 months hypothesised what would happen if senior members of a government told everyone they were following the science but, in fact, were ‘not following the science at all.’
A spokesperson for the Nobel medicine Committee said the UK team’s ‘doing the exact opposite’ research project allowed us to make sense for the first time the government thinking behind such policies as:
– The ‘delay in taking any action whatsoever’ strategy
– The ‘not stopping flights coming to the UK from Wuhan until the day before the Chinese locked down the city; strategy
– The ‘Boris Johnson still shaking hands despite warnings from the Spi-behavioural group’ strategy
– The ‘let’s go for herd immunity’ strategy
– The ‘don’t bother with facemasks’ strategy
– The ‘we’re not listening to the WHO’ strategy
– The ;send PPE to China even though we might need it’ strategy
– The ‘abandoning the idea of a circuit-break lockdown’ strategy
– The ‘let massive sporting events with massive crowds go ahead’ strategy
The spokesperson also praised the Johnson & Hancock team for investigating what caused some cabinet ministers such as Rishi Sunak to go completely rogue, although they didn’t have time to come to any firm conclusions. He set up his EAT OUT TO HELP OUT strategy without asking any scientists or any advice whatsoever.
‘This is understandable as it would have detracted from the already excellent hypothesis that the team had on their main subject’, said the spokseperson. ‘However, they’ve not ruled out further explorations into the ‘I’m a minister, I’ll do what I f*cking well want if it means getting the cash tills of business ringing,’ strategy.’
Categories: Fake News
Fears for life expectancy in Scotland triggered by Scottish Widows getting so much younger
Population forecasters are tinkling in their tighty whities. The clearest indication yet that life expectancy in Scotland is plummeting has sent shockwaves through the back of a fag packet totter community.
Experts in looking at women and assessing their relative ages examined Scottish Widows adverts over the past few decades and have declared that they are definitely getting younger. Professor Iain James explained, ‘We went back all of the way to the the 1980s and had a stab at guessing the ages of each Scottish Widow smirking knowingly in her black hooded cape.
‘What we found was shocking. Firstly, there was not one wrinkly old Scottish Widow with missing teeth in her 70s. There was one who might have been in her late forties, but her skin was as smooth as a plump haggis and her perfect white teeth glistened in the Glasgow rain.
‘But I’m afraid it gets much sexier. You can see that every few years each one is replaced with a younger model: Early forties; then late thirties; and by the 2010s she is early thirties, tops.
‘In the latest Scottish Widows advert she looks about 23. That can’t mean anything else other than the men they were married to are dying much, much younger than we had previously dared consider.
‘At these rates, we estimate the population of Scotland will be -17 in 2041.’
Categories: Fake News
Random story generator deployed at The Sun
It has long been suspected that articles at tabloid papers have been cobbled together by interns with a drink problem. But the reality is far worse. Anonymous sources have received a copy of a crib sheet that sub-editors can use to churn out stories on demand by simply highlighting options with a yellow marker pen. You too can become a Sun journalist for a day. Here is the current crib sheet for Tuesdays:
A three bedroom house in [Powys / Nottingham / Middlesborough] could be bought for a little as [£32000 / £33000 / £34000] – but there’s a chilling secret.
Its close proximity to [a rubbish dump / foreign undesirables / outside privy] means [there are more rats than cats / the air is filled with the smell of bad food / the garden is full of shit].
[Stacey Simpson / Keeley Stevens / Olivia Hardwick], 29, condemned prospective purchasers by setting their ambitions too low. The [hairdresser / TikTok influencer / nail bar assistant] from Harpenden managed to pay off her £450,000 mortgage two years ago by working [three jobs / as a Cam Girl / the streets], and has little respect for scroungers who want to slum it at the bottom end of the housing market. Boyfriend and window fitter Darren agrees and says “I’d rather vote Labour than live in a shit-hole like that. These people need to find some [self-respect / old dear to fleece / mastic] and start voting for Boris.â€
We asked former editor Kelvin McKenzie to comment on the crib sheet, but he simply referred us to Carol Vorderman who [sent us a smouldering selfie / revealed her plunging cleavage / delights her fans with her amazing youthful figure] and told us to behave and watch out for her every Friday.
Categories: Fake News
